My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
