you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
