My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
