I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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