I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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