Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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