You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
