I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
