I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My ass is underappreciated
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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