the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
