I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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