I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
