We won't sleep together?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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