Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
