I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize