i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
