all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
