dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
