i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
