So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
