i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
