I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
