i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
