I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
