my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize