I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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