Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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