my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
