thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize