They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
