"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
only you would photoshop your dick
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
