ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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