I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
