found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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