I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
