Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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