You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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