If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
