i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
