I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
