$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
