Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize