I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
