You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
