Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just pee around me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
