I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
