I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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