Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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