whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
