Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
