My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
