My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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