I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
