just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
