In the future we'll all be gay
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
