Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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