Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
