I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize