Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Randomize
