Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
