Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
