Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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