i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
