Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize