'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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