I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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