Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
