i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
