Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dicks are not precious.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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