this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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