So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I could make wine with my vomit
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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