ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Randomize
