sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
