somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
