Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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