Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
