I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
