She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
