btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have feelings that need drinking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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