That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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