Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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