she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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