Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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