Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
