I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
