She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
