I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
