My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
