drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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