At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
