Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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