halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I fill condoms, not promises.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
