so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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