If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
