if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize