Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
